Doors.

Sunday morning at work. And it's not at a church. My life's path is an interesting one... not one that has been planned, but a path where I seem to have been led to this place for a purpose. But what purpose? To teach? I believe that is where God has set for me to now go, but it is interesting how the door to leading a church has seemingly closed.

Doors open and close everyday. This job has been rewarding spiritually in that I have been able to affect kids truly in need. The lesson to be learned is discipline. Discipline in patience, listening, and reflection... all things reflected frequently in my writings.

Colossians 3:12-13
Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.

Silence & Discipline.

Silence frees us from the need to control others ... A frantic stream of words flows from us in an attempt to straighten others out. We want so desperately for them to agree with us, to see things our way. We evaluate people, judge people, condemn people. We devour people with our words. Silence is one of the deepest Disciplines of the Spirit simply because it puts the stopper on that. - Richard Foster

The discipline of silence is closely tied to meditation and the art of listening. These related disciplines are something I have been attempting to master over the past two years, as I have tried to remain patient and calm during a time of stress with the ups and downs of the economy, employment, and ongoing family drama.


It is always interesting when silence does much better work in a situation than does language or words. See, I love words. I play Scrabble daily online with friends, daily learn a word of the day, while continually enjoying reading and writing in my spare time. [When Liverpool or the Mariners aren't playing, of course] Words give me joy. But so too does silence.

When someone feels comfortable enough to open up their pain and sorrows, joy and triumphs, it gives me great pleasure knowing that my role in their life played a small part. And if one does not allow for silence in waiting, there is no room to breathe, no room for grow to occur. One must discover for themselves to grow fully. Letting go of the control of words is a powerful tool. And it is a difficult discipline because it gives the other person in the conversation, relationship, or partnership, control. But in doing so, we can breathe new life.

Callings, Careers & Questions.

"You must wait and listen for the sound of the genuine that is within you. When you hear it, that will be your voice and the Voice of God."

- Howard Thurman
American author, civil rights leader, and theologian (1899-1981)

Waiting sucks. I've always said that I'm the most patient with people, the least with everything else. And this past year, waiting for an answer on calling and career has been a difficult one. How does one stay sane when waiting and listening for the "Voice of God" when the answers come in coming in second for job after job in careers you thought were your calling.


I have believed that my calling was in ministry. Now through a series of disappointment in finding a position to utilize my skills at a church, I'm grasping for truth in the wreckage of a life of service. In a down economy, church jobs are few and far between. And my other field of expertise, technology, is littered with unemployed applicants with more recent job experience, albeit similiar to mine.

Left with a horrible paying, yet ultimately fulfilling, non-profit job at YouthCare as a Life Skills Coach and Youth Counselor, my hopes in finding a career are again in the balance, while many questions remain. Do I continue to search for positions in ministry or technology? Do I work and wait for a ministry opportunity to plant my own church down the line? Do I "settle" for the fact that my ministry is better served as a lay person with a Masters in Theology? Do I enroll in school to persue teaching?


Teaching is where my future could be. Others have mentioned they have seen the gift of teaching in me. Is that the Voice of God speaking through them? Have I ignored those pleas to teach long enough? My current position teaching Life Skills classes has ignited a spark towards the craft of teaching within. A lot of school in prerequesite classes and tests remain. The time of waiting and listening has almost come to an end. It's now time to act. Although I'm still listening.

"God, I abandon myself into your hands. Do with me whatever you will. Whatever you may do, I thank you. I am ready for all, I accept all. Let only your will be done in me, and in all your creatures. Into your hands I commend my spirit. I offer it to you with all the love that is in my heart. For I love you, Lord, and so want to give myself, to surrender myself into your hands, without reserve and with boundless confidence. Amen."

- A prayer of Charles de Foucauld